Ramblings of the Eternally Bored

I've been dealing with my brothers death pretty well. I still think of him all the time. For example, I laminated one of the cards from his funeral and use it as a bookmark so every time I read something, I'll be reminded of him and our shard passion for books. My brother Steve on the other hand, he can't talk about Bill without getting choked up or breaking down. I've been passed that stage for awhile. Even this week, where Bill would have celebrated his 53rd birthday, it didn't get me full of sorrow. But those feelings sneak up on you when you least expect it. I was watching a documentary about the band Iron Maiden tonight. After they get offstage, they play Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from the Monty Python movie Life of Brian through the PA as the crowd leaves. The minute I heard the song start, i completely lost it. Not just simple crying, but the doubled over in a fetal position and sobbing sort of crying.

The song brought back so many memories of him. The first time I saw the movie was with him when I was quite young. It was a double feature with Blazing Saddles. (first time I saw that one as well) It's a song my brothers and I would sing many times over the years. It's amazing how something like that can uncork a well of emotions so quickly. I think of him when reading. I have some things of his I took from his house after his passing to remember him by. I can look at those every day without breaking down. I can listen to music I know he loves like Utopia or Peter Gabriel. It will remind me of him, but no tears. Who knows why, but that song just did it tonight. It felt good. Like I was bottling it up for awhile. I miss you brother.